KP: Welcome to Shoroba, and today I am reading an email entitled, “My Teacher’s So Fine, I Wish He Was Mine.” Here’s the story: “I have a crush on my High School math teacher, and my fantasies are getting sexual. I have never said anything to him, but I think I should. I’m only sixteen years old, and I know it’s probably wrong, but I can’t help it. I told my mom, and she says I’ll grow out of it. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me? Welcome to Shoroba, and today we have an email entitled, “My Teacher’s So Fine, I Wish He Were Mine.” My name is KP, and today we have on the panel...
Marcel: I’m Marcel.
Alexandra Chauran: And I’m Alexandra.
KP: And she is sixteen, people
Giselle: Oh my goodness.
Marcel: Watch out. That’s really scary.
Giselle: All I have to say is: Fantasies are a lot of fun, but think before you do anything, ‘cause there’s laws. And if you do something that’s a fantasy and is against the law, then you can get into trouble.
KP: But she’s not doing anything that’s against the law. She’s just telling her teacher that she likes him. And, should she tell her teacher that she likes him?
Giselle: No, she should never tell him that she likes him.
Alexandra Chauran: I was a school-teacher for two years, and the first thing that I learned is that this happens all the time. And the second thing that I learned about teenagers is that every little issue is “The-Most-Important-Thing-That’s-Ever-Happened-Ever.” So, I’m betting... I would bet a lot of money that she’s not going to listen to “don’t tell the teacher.” So, I’m going to say: Please, please, please, make sure that you don’t get your teacher in trouble. Make sure there’s another person in the room. Make sure the door is open, and make sure that you’re following those guidelines.
Giselle: Well, this is where I’m talking about laws, because when I was in school, we had our science teacher, and there was this rash of all of the high school girls who just thought he was all hot and everything, and he ended up dating a high school girl after she graduated, and getting married to her. But it was still a huge scandal, and if he had responded to her little flirts when she was in high school, he would have been committing a crime.
Cassandra: I think she needs to be careful too, because with today’s laws, she could go for sexual harassment just as easily.... especially if he's not a willing soul.
Giselle: That’s true... Because she’s sixteen and she’s no longer in that “you’re a little kid” area.
KP: Okay, but let’s remember, do you remember what it was like to be sixteen? Hello hormones!
Giselle: Yeah, that’s why I’m saying fantasies are good, just don’t act on them.
KP: So, I mean, you know she’s having all these hormones. It’s okay to have hormones. It’s okay to like your teacher. Dude, men are hot.
Giselle: Men are hot!
Marcel: Okay, here’s the thing. Okay, she’s attracted to this teacher, all right? Like you said, the teacher’s probably getting this, not just from her, but from other girls, other students as well. The thing about it is there has to be fair boundaries. It’s okay I think for her to say, “hey, teacher, this is what the situation is,” and it may not be with somebody else there in the room. I mean, ideally it would be. I mean, if the teacher hopefully is a good teacher, he’s going to set good boundaries and establish clearly what this is, and then hopefully take it to an official, you know? Something like that?
Cassandra: What I don’t understand is, she went and told her mom. Your mamma told you “you got issues, you like this man and you’re grown.” Why your mom hasn’t set up some type of guide. I mean, me, as a mother, I find out my son likes somebody, whether I let him know, I told the teacher. Because you need to be aware of this as a teacher. I mean, is he asking for extra help just because he wants you to rub his arm? Extra kudos? The parent needs to step in...
Marcel: At the same token, if I’m the father of this girl, I would go to, like I said, an official of the school. And not just... I would talk to the teacher first, and then also follow it up. So, like I said, I think it’s okay for the teacher and the student to have that interaction, and then for the teacher to set those very clear boundaries. She is sixteen. She’s got those raging hormones, right? The teacher is supposed to be a man, he’s supposed to be upholding the law, he’s supposed to be, you know, upholding all those guidelines of how to interact with students appropriately. I actually did a video one time, it was about sexual misconduct with teenagers. I played the role of a Principal in high school. And it was about, you know, the Principal had a role where he would kinda’ brush it under the rug. “Oh, i’s not big. No big deal at all.” I think the teacher though, like I said, has to have very clear boundaries, very clear guidelines and follow them.
Giselle: Right, for this girl though, she wants to know what she’s supposed to do. And right now we’re saying “the teacher needs to do this” and “the parents need to do this.” The truth is that she wants to know what she should do, and I think that what she needs to do is to recognize that this is a fantasy, and he represents the type of man that she fantasizes about, and explore that. Draw, write stories, whatever. Do not go to the teacher and say “hey I think you’re totally hot” because that breaks your fantasy and makes it into reality, and that’s the problem. It’s fine if she stays in a fantasy, but if she brings it into reality, that’s when we’re talking about real legal stuff, and that’s not okay.
KP: Okay, so a couple things for this girl, we should talk to the teacher with somebody else in the room, possibly without somebody else in the room. You know, have your mom or your dad talk to the teacher, or you know just be okay with the fantasy. You’re having hormones, honey. It’s okay. For other people, what do you think? Do you think she should tell her teacher? Do you think she shouldn’t tell her teacher? Write us, email us, send us a video, we wanna’ know what you think.
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